Another post about self-care and why it's so important

Lately I’ve seen more people reading self-help books with the idea that reading this one book will completely change your outlook on life. That this one book will tell you all the secrets on being more successful in work and your relationships. That this one book will cure your anxiety and depression, and will make you way less stressed. But, and let’s just be honest here, those books are not going to cure your stress, anxiety, or depression; it’s not going to make your relationships better; it’s not going to give you the formula to live a perfect life.

I’m going to lie, though, and say that I’ve never read one (the infamous orange book on how to not give a f*ck… I’m even reading the second one), and they do sometimes give great tips, make you think, and (some) even use recent research to back their shit up! If you’re reading a self-help book right now and came across this post, don’t worry — I’m not going to tell you to burn the book and never read one again!! No, instead I’m going to reiterate something I’m sure you’ve read a dozen times in one of those books — self-care is crucial for a happy and healthy life.

Okay, so if you’ve ever spent any time on the internet (Facebook or Instagram mainly), then you’ve probably seen some sort of screenshot of a tweet where someone is saying something like “Self-care is drinking enough water!” “Self-care means talking to my dog” (and my personal favourite) “Self-care is dming yourself funny tweets to read later.” And while all of these could definitely be small things to do for yourself, self-care is much more than that. So — why do we need it so much? What even constitutes as self-care? And what happens if we don’t take time for ourselves?

What is self-care and why the heck do I need it?

Now, you’re idea of self-care can be taking time to meditate and focus on your breathing, or saving memes to read later, which are definitely different ways to spend time for yourself, but it does the same thing. Self-care is the idea that you’re taking the time to take care of yourself. I know it’s such an obvious definition, but I’ve noticed with some people in my life that their idea of self-care is still dependent on others — whether that is needing the company of others or still insisting others care for you. Experts say that self-care is about being able to recognise when you feel like you’re starting to become drained. This essentially means that you have to be in-tune with your body and your mind in order to recognise the signs of exhaustion. Taking the time out of your day or week to focus on yourself when you are feeling depleted is NOT selfish to do; you may not be able to recognise the importance at first and believe that taking time to take a bath, read a book, do your nails may be ignoring and avoiding your responsibilities. However, you would not be much good to anyone else if you do not do this.

Overall, there is a list of reasons why self-care is so important, which has been overall agreed upon:

1. Reduces stress — I mean, duh? By taking time to focus on yourself, manage your breathing, and taking a moment of silence, you will reduce your overall levels of stress.

2. Better physical health — When you’re overworked and stressed, how does your body feel? The answer is probably not good. You may feel exhausted from lack of sleep, or lack of meaningful sleep; muscle tension from stress; even your immune system is shown to suffer when you’re highly stressed. This means that you may be experience more illness during the month or illnesses that last longer than usual. By taking time to relax and unwind, you’re allowing your body to heal from stress and will experience overall better physical health.

3. Better mental health — When you’re stressed, overworked, or overwhelmed, you not only don’t feel your best physically, but you’re probably also not feeling your best mentally. You may experience lower lows and higher levels of anxiety. You may even think this is normal due to your “unique situation,” but I’m here to tell you that this is not normal! By allowing yourself to take time for yourself, you’re allowing your mind to heal alongside your body.

4. Overall improvement in productivity — After a long week, there’s nothing like the weekend to unwind and reenergise yourself! And that’s how you should view your self-care time — as a time to energise yourself more! After all, you won’t be much help or feel like doing anything at all if you’re exhausted.

5. More energy — Again, resting means more energy! I think this one is pretty self explanatory.

Okay, I get it — self-care may be important. But now what?

Thank you, myself, for understanding and agreeing with me that self-care is so important. And I think that a lot of people are feeling the same way, with the popularity of self-help books, podcasts, youtube videos/creators, and blogs it’s easy to see why I would think that way. However, I do find one issue with these things — it assumes everyone’s self-care and self-improvement will look the same. But that’s just not the case. Your idea of self-care will look differently than another person’s and THAT IS OKAY! It is totally okay to not know in what way your self-care will be most successful, so it’s okay to try a bunch of different things in order to find what works best for you. And if your idea of self-care is sitting on the couch with mayonnaise in your hair (yes, that is supposed to hydrate your hair and some people do do this), eating a burrito, watching shitty reality TV, then so be it and do you! But just because that is what works for you, that doesn’t mean that your best friend or your mom would like to deal with the mess of mayo hair. Encourage your friends, family, and loved ones to take the time to do something for themselves and to do it alone. Here are some things you can try!

1. Meditation and/or yoga

2. Give yourself a mani/pedi

3. Read a book

4. Watch a romantic comedy, like How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days or whatever one you’d like (I highly suggest watching this if you haven’t already).

5. Go to a gym or do a sport

6. Take a cooking class

7. Take yourself out on a date

8. Try journaling (this is one that I suggest to all of my clients)

Self-help books or this blog (or one like it) will not be able to give you the perfect formula for self-care. They can give you guidance and tips on what to try, but it is your responsibility to try out those suggestions, to put in the time and energy necessary to improve yourself. And if you need additional guidance to help you with self-improvement and growth, if you feel stuck and don’t know where to begin, reach out to a trained professional and ask for help. A therapist cannot do the work for you, but they can support your through your journey to self-care and a better you.

My contact information: info.therapywitholivia@gmail.com (currently taking clients with no wait times).