From Resolutions to Reality: A therapist’s personal tips for success
To avoid the 'New Year, New You' pressure, I've opted to wait a few weeks into the new year before sharing my personal tips and tricks for setting resolutions or goals and not losing steam when trying to reach them!
One of the biggest issues I've seen within myself when setting and reaching my New Year resolutions or goals is how quickly I burn myself out on them. Either I pick too many goals and feel burnt out with where to start, or I'm aiming a bit too big for what is realistically achievable. If you can relate, keep reading as I give you my tips on achieving New Year's goals.
Keep your goals in your realm of reality.
I know, I know. A lot of us have been told to dream big! In a new year, anything is possible, and you can be anyone you want. And while I love this idea, I know it just isn't realistic. We're not all made to be marathon runners or the next great novelist, especially if we haven't already been working towards those goals.
Now, I'm not in the business of stifling your dreams, but when it comes to reaching specific goals in a year, I'm all about being realistic. If you're not, you put yourself at risk for some real disappointment.
Evaluate where you are and what is possible for you. Maybe your big goal is to run a marathon, but you don't even own running shoes right now. Is running a marathon in 2025 really in the realm of your reality? Probably not. But buying new running shoes and starting to run 3 times a week is.
It's not about not having big goals; it's about taking stock of your life now and working towards those big goals with smaller goals along the way. Maybe 2025 isn't your marathon year; maybe it's your training for a marathon year.
Break down the big goals into smaller goals.
Along the same lines of being realistic with your goals, we can also look at breaking our big goals down into smaller goals. When we make things easily achievable, we are much more likely to keep going and working towards something even bigger.
Let's look at an example.
One of my goals for 2025 is to take all of my Inburgering exams to apply for permanent residency or even citizenship in the Netherlands. That's a HUGE goal and takes a lot of work. In fact, even writing that goal down in this post, I still feel like it's a huge goal and feels overwhelming. But, if I break it down bit by bit, I will feel more confident. So, my big goal is to finish all of my exams, but how do I start? My smaller goals can be broken down like this:
Check all the exams I must take and what exams I can get an exemption for.
Apply for any exemptions I can.
Study for one exam at a time. In my case, I'm planning on starting with the reading exam (I'm a really good reader, okay).
Take the practice exams and make notes on what I've missed and why.
Watch more Dutch TV, or at least have Dutch subtitles on.
Practice speaking Dutch with my friends, who I know will support me.
The list can go on and on, but to avoid making this whole post about how I want to pass my Inburgering and from becoming a brainstorming session, I'll stop here.
We often have large goals or resolutions for the New Year, which can easily feel overwhelming, leaving us wondering where to start. Start by breaking down those big goals. What are the smallest steps to get you where you want to go? By starting there, you give yourself a better chance at reaching the goals you have for 2025.
Find yourself a reward when you reach a goal.
I'm huge on rewarding myself when I've completed certain tasks or reached certain goals. As someone with ADHD, my brain is always searching for dopamine, which often leaves certain tasks undone (even when they have to be) and goals unreached (even if I really want to reach them). In order to mitigate this and get things done, science says to set up a reward system. Once I complete specific tasks, I get to treat myself. This prolonged gratification creates more motivation for me – I want the reward, but I have to do these other things to get the reward. So, I'm quicker to finish tasks to get this highly desired reward.
While this is a typical system for neurodivergent people, a reward system can benefit everyone. After all, we know that conditioning exists!
You may have difficulties with maintaining momentum towards your goals and resolutions. In that case, create a valuable reward for yourself once you reach those goals. What matters the most is that the reward is valuable to you, and that could be anything! As long as it's something you want and you can accept prolonged gratification, you may notice more momentum toward completing everything you want.
Create a new routine or adjust the one you already have.
One of the most common resolutions or goals for any new year is to start exercising, moving their bodies, eating better, and reading more. While I encourage everyone to find a movement they love and other ways to entertain themselves outside of social media, it's not easy to get into and stay in it.
Oftentimes, we make the biggest mistake – not integrating it into our routines.
If you want to exercise more regularly, read more books, clean the house more often, start meal prepping to eat better, or even reach a goal within your work, you need to incorporate it into your routine. This often means creating a whole new routine that gives time and space for these new things to happen.
Let's continue with the example of me wanting to apply for permanent residency or citizenship here in the Netherlands. In order to pass these exams, I need to study and practice, and in order to study and practice, I need to create space in my schedule and prioritize these things. The best way to do this is by creating a routine around learning – maybe I don't have time every day in the week to dedicate an hour or more to studying, but maybe on Friday and Saturday mornings, I put in my routine/schedule to study more formally for 1-2 hours. Then, perhaps I introduce Dutch-only nights at home where we can only speak Dutch once or twice a week.
The routine doesn't need to be strict to work. You don't have to say, 'By 6:30 a.m. every day, I will be at the gym.' Instead, you can say, 'Before I leave for work, I'll have a workout done.' But of course, if you prefer a stricter routine, then go for it (that's what I prefer, too)!
Even if you 'fail,' keep going.
New Year's resolutions are often not simple things for us to do. They often take time, energy, and dedication to complete. And if your goals and resolutions are pushing against what you usually do, they're even more difficult to stay perfect at. So, let go of perfection. The point of a goal or resolution isn't to do everything perfectly every single time; they're supposed to challenge you and make you grow. And growth takes trials, readjustment, and trying again.
As I say to clients, there aren't failures, only setbacks. If we let every setback take us away from the things we want to do and the people we want to become, we will never change. It's necessary to accept failure as part of the process. Once you do, you may notice yourself persevering more than you ever thought possible.
The new year is naturally a time to reflect on your year before and think of all the things you want to accomplish. Once you determine your new year's goals or resolutions, finding the momentum feels relatively 'easy.' However, keeping the momentum going as the year continues can be difficult. While these tips help me stay aligned with my goals, remember that some may not work for you, or none may work for you. And that's okay! But I recommend giving these 5 tips a shot, see what works well for you, and watch yourself reach all the goals you set for yourself in 2025!
